Feeding the Five Thousand

12 August 2009

When Jesus went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and He felt compassion for them because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things.
When it was already quite late, His disciples came to Him and said,
“This place is desolate and it is already quite late; send them away so that they may go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”
But He answered them, “You give them something to eat!”
And they said to Him, “Shall we go and spend two hundred denarii on bread and give them something to eat?”
And He said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go look!”
And when they found out the said, “Five, and two fish.”
And He commanded them all to sit down by groups on the green grass. They sat down in groups of hundreds and of fifties. And He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up toward heaven, He blessed the food and broke the loaves and He kept giving them to the disciples to set before them; and He divided up the two fish among them all. They all ate and were satisfied, and they picked up twelve full baskets of the broken pieces, and also of the fish. There five thousand men who ate the loaves.
(Mark 6:34-44)

Jesus’ feeding of the five thousand has become especially relevant and meaningful to me as I feel the effects of the recession. As I pray for God’s perfect provision over the Green house, I find hope and peace in this parable and Jesus’ message: “Don’t worry, I know exactly what you need, and I will provide.”
In the two weeks since my summer teaching contract ended, I found myself searching EDJOIN (the online job posting site for teachers) and applying to any English position I could find. This amounted to two positions, both of which I have not heard back from. Reconciled to the fact that in the fall I would complete my last semester of student teaching in a traditional setting (in a classroom with a master teacher and without pay), Ryan left for New Brunswick, Canada to shoot for Travelscope and promised to plan out our imminently tight budget. Little did we know that God knows our needs and already had made our budget planned out.
On my way in to see my doctor, I received a call from Burbank Unified’s district office. The HR personnel asked if I would like to interview that afternoon for a long-term English teaching position this fall.
“Yes,” I responded with enthusiasm.
Today, I found out I got the position. This fall I will teach English 10, 11, and 11 Honors starting on Monday.

Last night, I could not sleep in anticipation of hearing whether or not I got the job so I caught up on my Bible reading (Ryan and I committed to reading through the Bible this year and have a daily reading plan. I was three days behind in the book of Mark). I turned to Mark chapter 6 and began reading. As I read about Jesus feeding the five thousand, I remembered Beth Moore’s teaching on the parable and how she pointed out that Jesus did not simply give the crowds what they needed, but He:
1. Made them aware of their need.
2. He took what little they had.
3. He placed them in a posture to rest in His provision by commanding them to “sit down.”
4. Then, He gave them more they could ask for or imagine.
(Moore, Beth. Living Beyond Yourself. Nashville: LifeWay Press, 2004.)

God promises to provide for our basic needs and today I want to praise Him for fulfilling that promise to Ryan and I. Not only will I make more in these next three months than I make in a six months, but we will get benefits too. Ryan’s eyes have been bothering him and he asked me to look into an appointment for an eye exam for when he gets back. We do not have eye coverage, but NOW we do! Also, with this increase in income I will not have to take a loan this fall to pay for my last semester of school and we will be able to save lots to go abroad next summer! God knows exactly what we need and He pours out His provision in abundance.

Now, I need your prayers as I begin a new year. I am thrilled and completely terrified.

Julie & Julia

Charming, funny, inspiring. A must see film, especially for women who aren't sure of their purpose in life, but will try anything to find it out.

A colorful and delicious ratatouille crepe paired with a poppy Pinot Noir to follow and hours of savory conversation.

A great date with a long-time friend...

Jog Blog

Last Tuesday, I finished Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo and went on my first run. As I left the house, I called to Ryan in the kitchen, “Going out for a quick run.” Easy, right? My run began on a downhill slope. My legs pounded quickly, quickly. I felt strong and confident. After two hundred feet at this pace, I felt faint. My face tomato skin red, my lungs anxiously sucked in air, my legs like boiled spaghetti noodles. My inner voice told me to run, but my body told me that was impossible. “Pace yourself,” I heard. I always begin too enthusiastically and quickly lose all steam, which begets a cycle of fleeting highs and prolonged lows. “Once I pass the man and his dog, I will walk,” I told myself. Slowing to a walk, I felt defeated, humbled, determined. “At the next street lamp I will jog again.” As I walked briskly towards the street lamp, I listened to my winded breath and my inner voice. “I am so out of shape. This is embarrassing. This person and that person can run forever. I am out of shape. I am not a runner. I hate to run.” These self-defeating thoughts continued to beat me down until the light post when my compulsiveness made me run again. I ran for another two hundred feet and stopped at a crosswalk to wait for the light to force my inertia. I contemplated turning around, but chose to keep going. “Keep going,” I encouraged myself. “I can do this. It will hurt, but the more I practice the better I will become.” As I continued my walk and run pattern, I thought about how I have let negative thoughts ruin endeavors in my life. The painting that I have not finished because I did not get it right the first time. The Blogs I have not written because I feared sitting down at a blank computer screen with nothing important to say. This pattern of unfinished creativity that robs my loved ones and myself from the process of getting to know me because I fear the unknown, I fear mistakes, I fear my own self-judgment. “No,” I thought, “I am not a good runner, I am not a fast runner, and I am not a runner, yet!” As I ran that evening, I realized like most things in life (writing, baking, sewing, singing, sex) running takes practice to become good. Everyday this summer, I told my eighth grade students that writing takes practice, that the more you write the better you will become, that it is a skill to acquire. Running is no different. My desire to be amazing at everything I do, the moment I decide to undertake it often deters me from trying new things because of the pressure I put on myself to be a natural. I have read a lot of books, but last week I finished the longest book I have ever read (1250 pages), that day I also ran for the first time in years. Subconsciously, both inspired me to began a journey to have patience with myself. I pledge to give myself time to become a runner, swimmer, writer, gardener, and painter… or whatever, and be gentle with myself in the process of making these pursuits into genuine hobbies instead of whims. Tonight, I went on my third run. It was a little easier than the last run and a lot easier than the first run. I took fewer walking breaks in-between jogs and I ran up hill. I still cannot say I enjoy running, like I enjoy swimming, but I felt good once I finished.