Listlessness...

A list of what I am reading right now:

Eat More Dirt by the fabulous Ellen Sandbeck
French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano
The Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferris
Never Work Harder Than Your Students by Robyn Jackson
Living Beyond Yourself by Beth Moore
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
True Faced by John Lynch

Yes, I know I have 7 books off the shelf at once, and I keep looking for more to ingest. I feel a little out of control right now in a lot of ways. I am full of ideas, full of information, and full on food. I am having difficulty zoning in on one thing and taking it to completion, except for 20 minute workouts and house work. I find myself eating all the time. Probably partly because I am working out a lot, but also because I am listless. I feel myself drawn in many directions and it frustrates/depresses me that I do not know where to focus my energy, my free time, and my brain power. God, what am I doing? What are you doing in me?

I discovered the other day that I stress eat and I usually go for the chocolate or gooey sugar rush stuff. When this became clear to me, I made a declaration to myself to relieve my stress through prayer, worship, meditation, or exercise. This commitment has been unsuccessful. Probably because it is so much easier and instantly gratifying to grab a rich chocolate bar or make a bowl of yogurt with strawberries and agave nectar than to sit down and face myself and God after a long day of facing off with students.

Two reasons why I believe my commitment has failed are lack of discipline and motivation. I am blessed with a healthy figure, so constant indulgence (at this point in my life) does not wreck much havoc on my physique and the sugar high offers almost immediate stress relief.

Aaaaahhhh! But I want balance, strength, flexibility. I want to be toxic free on the inside and outside. I want my bodily systems to work just as hard as they need to and recover quickly from life's many stresses. The stress foods I eat, actually end up putting more stress on my body and I am caught in a vicious cycle of eat to relief stress, work out, eat to relief stress, work out... I am always on the losing end.

I want to eat for nourishment and pleasure not to self-medicate. I want to find discipline, self-control, and balance. Any suggestions?