Almost a month ago now, I took a job teaching high school special ed. Last week was my first full week. Overall the week went well with a few bumps and blow-ups, but I ended yesterday with excitement for what God has planned for the lives of my students these last nine weeks and for my heart transformation.
I began work on Monday and Tuesday with deep anxiety about the choice I made to take this job and my capability to handle it. The root of my anxiety is putting myself out there. "Putting myself out there" both literally, getting myself out of the comfort of my home, and figuratively, presenting myself and what knowledge I have to offer these students.
To work through my anxiety, I faced the problem. I walked into the classroom despite my feelings (and a strong desire to drive away and quit). I also prayed a verse from 1 Timothy "For you were not given a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind." I prayed this throughout the day, in my sleep, and when the wave of anxiety hit every morning around 7. I also found a Rita Springer song that I listen to on the way to work that helps me pray for my own spirit and the spirit of this generation I am working with.
By Wednesday morning, I left the house at 7:20 with little anxiety and I had an excellent day with my students. Thursday was a little rougher and Friday left me energized.
God is teaching me to lean on Him for my strength and to walk forth with confidence in life's circumstances. I am learning to trust that God loves me and has the best in mind for me. Allowing myself to believe in these truths has invited peace into my heart and mind because despite what happens during the day God is with me and He loves me.
By the way, if anyone is wondering how I am doing with keeping my commitment to maintaining my joie de vivre, I am doing fabulous. I went out several nights last week to have fun! I did not take any work home with me and I left every day by 3:30. I am really proud of myself.
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