Life Update

Well people, I got a job (another long term substituting assignment).

This job will take me through the end of the Burbank Unified school year which ends on May 27th. As of Tuesday, I am a special ed (RSP and SDC) teacher for science (biology/geology) and basic math teacher. Not my dream job. In fact, for the last twelve or so hours since I officially accepted the position, I have had regrets and fears. I have wanted to run in fear, resending my decision. I took the job for several reasons.

Number one: It will significantly increase our income and will help to pay off at least half of my student loans!

Number two: I have no shortage of confidence that I can do the job and do it well.

Number three: I feel for the students. Their regular teacher was out for the entire month of February and combined weeks in the first semester, so they have seen a lot of substitutes this year. This is difficult for regular ed students, but especially difficult for students with behavioral issues and learning disabilities. Consistency is key with this group.

Number four: I have compassion and Christ. I don't want to over-spiritualize or judge, but many substitutes (and regular teachers) have little patience and lack of care for special needs students. In my experience in other special ed classrooms, I have demonstrated my ability to have patience with these sometimes difficult students.

Number five: I know this opportunity came from God (again not wanting to over-spiritualize). If you refer to a blog I wrote in August, you will remember me preaching on God's perfect provision demonstrated through his feeding of the five thousand. I came across that study on Monday morning as I was doing my quiet time and I confessed to God that I was afraid to pray for his provision like I had during the summer because I knew he would provide, and consequently, I would have to work. I admitted that I did not want to have the stress or responsibility that came along with a full time position. I also admitted that I wanted to grow out of my perfectionism and constant worry that I am not good enough. I told got that I want to be able to have a job and have peace. God's response: "You must learn to have peace under pressure when you are experiencing pressure."

Sure enough, Monday afternoon, I got a call from Burbank's district office offering me the position. Of course, once I confessed my fears and asked for God to change me, he provided an opportunity.

Number six: As you may have noted earlier, science, math, and special ed are not my areas of expertise. I feel that this is the perfect climate for me to relinquish control of what I know and trust myself to do the best job I possibly can without feeling the intense pressure of having to do it perfectly. It also gives me opportunity to rely on God's grace. Though others have shown tremendous grace to me during my other long term positions as an English teacher, in this position, I will be forced to give myself grace and rely on God.

Number seven: Opportunity for growth. I am determined to grow, specifically in trusting God to sustain me and trusting that he has given me what I need to be successful in all circumstances. I also want to grow out of perfectionism. In my other assignments, I planned for hours upon hours for each class. For this job, I want to prepare well, but I plan to set boundaries for myself, so that this job does not take over my life.

****My guidelines for maintaining my joie de vivre will be published soon.****